


everything about you

by vokdas



Category: N.Flying (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Gen, Misunderstandings, hun centric, hun is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 14:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13929015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vokdas/pseuds/vokdas
Summary: “Shut up,” Seunghyub says. His voice is shaking. “Hun – oh my God.”





	everything about you

It doesn’t quite start at the beginning, but it’s something like that.

Hun knows Seunghyub and Jaehyun have always been closer than the rest of them, although with Kwangjin around it isn’t quite so blatantly obvious. Kwangjin is happy, cheerful, and although he’s got his own friends in CNBLUE he always makes sure to make time for the rest of them as well. It’s nice that way – makes them all feel important. Hun is used to having that from Kwangjin, at least, and he has always appreciated consistency.

It’s only when Kwangjin goes home for the holidays that Hun really notices what’s going on. None of the rest of them can afford a trip home – Kwangjin is just better than all of them at life, most likely – but even with Seunghyub and Jaehyun in the dorm with him, Hun feels terribly alone.

Jaehyun is goofy, as always, and Seunghyub always laughs at his jokes; neither of them do much more than acknowledge Hun, although they accept the food he cooks them with undeniable appreciation. They don’t seem to be leaving him out on purpose, but that doesn’t do much to ease his nerves. He knows he’s not funny like Jaehyun or naturally charming like Seunghyub, but is he really so forgettable? Is he really so terribly unremarkable?

Kwangjin comes back a week later, but the seed of doubt planted in the back of Hun’s mind stays.

—

They all tease Hun for weeks after AOA’s “Oh Boy” music video comes out. The new attention is unexpected but not entirely unwelcome; Kwangjin and Seunghyub ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks, sometimes, and Jaehyun makes countless kissy faces at him over the dinner table. Hun pretends he hates it, but he knows they can see right past his act.

Seunghyub is especially hard to get away from; he’s incredibly insistent on booping Hun’s nose whenever they pass by each other and is surprisingly silly, for being the group leader, but Hun doesn’t mind. It’s nice to have Seunghyub’s affection so out in the open, since he so seldom receives it, although Hun knows it’s not going to stay that way for very long. He’s not interesting enough for that.

Sure enough, the craze settles after no significant length of time, and Hun returns to the role of just the group guitarist and chef. It’s what he’s used to – Jaehyun makes his jokes again, Seunghyub laughs at them, and Kwangjin keeps everything a good balance of work and play – but strangely enough he feels like something’s missing, although he can’t quite put it into words. He settles for ignoring the foreign ache in his chest, eventually, and after a while it’s like it’s not even there. Maybe Hun is just good at pretending.

—

With the addition of Hweseung to the group comes a subtle shift in their dynamic; the Seunghyub-Jaehyun duo expands to become a trio revolving around the new maknae, and Kwangjin grows more into his parental side as the oldest to what’s now four people. Hun, still, sticks to his guitar and remains a bit apart from the rest of them.

At first, Hweseung tries surprisingly hard to get close to Hun, endlessly praising his cooking and making sure to include him whenever they spend time together as a group. Seunghyub seems to catch on after a while, too, and soon Hun finds himself constantly surrounded by the others.

There’s still a little divide between him and the rest of the group, try as he might to let them in. He knows he’s the one to blame, not them, but still he has no idea how to let down his guard and just have a good time the way they all seem to. He’s trying, even if they can’t tell. He doesn’t think they can.

Eventually, though, even Hweseung gives up on trying to get to know him better. Seunghyub does, too. Hun figures it’s his own fault, and he stops trying so hard to let them in.

—

Hun is on the way to visit his sick mother in the hospital when a stranger on the subway recognizes him and says hi. She looks vaguely familiar, so he assumes she’s a fan – which she is, thankfully, so he doesn’t make a fool out of himself. Not for that, anyway. He kind of achieves that through his awkward ranting.

“Where are you headed?” he asks.

“I’m meeting someone for lunch,” she tells him.

“Ah,” he says. “I’m on the way to the hospital. My mom’s not feeling too well – I’m sure she’ll be fine, but I’m just worried, you know? Like, what if something goes wrong? What about the – I don’t know. It worries me. You know what I mean?”

She looks a little overwhelmed. “Uh – ”

The subway rolls to a stop. Hun gets up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away. I’m getting off here, anyway. It was nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she says.

Hun never sees her again, but he’ll remember their encounter because he hasn’t even told the other band members what’s being going on with his family, although he’s sure they’d listen if he did. It’s his fault for not telling them, he knows, but he doesn’t know how to. Maybe he will, someday.

—

When Hun is casted in the ten-year anniversary remake of F.T. Island’s “Lovesick” a couple of months later, the group doesn’t make nearly as big of a deal out of it as with “Oh Boy”. Hweseung is the top priority now, since he’s both the newest member and the maknae, so there’s no onslaught of affection for Hun this time around.

Hun thinks it’s better this way; he’s older now, he doesn’t need to be doted on. The hyungs’ attention should be reserved for Hweseung and Jaehyun, and the dongsaengs’ admiration should be saved for Seunghyub and Kwangjin. That makes Hun the odd one out, but it’s only fair. He’s not nearly as important as they are.

Shooting the music video remake requires him to stay out late for a couple of nights, and at its worst is the night he returns to the dorm at half past two in the morning to find everyone else asleep and the dinner they’ve saved him sitting in the fridge. He knows none of them are even halfway decent at cooking, and he chooses sleep over dinner anyway, but he supposes it’s the thought that counts.

— 

Hun has never been an active follower of much pop culture, but even he knows to be flattered when N. Flying gets invited to be on Hongki’s Kiss the Radio. It’ll boost their popularity, he knows, especially with the recent release of “The Real”, and now that the fans seem to have labeled him the quiet, most serious one of the group, he’s not too worried about having to talk much during the program.

He’s quiet for most of the broadcast, naturally, although he does his best to be entertaining when he’s directly addressed. Jaehyung is bouncing his leg rapidly under the table, which doesn’t really help, and across from them, Seunghyub is casually leaned back in his chair. He looks tired; Hun wonders if he’s being getting enough rest.

The first part of the broadcast isn’t too hard to sit through since the questions Hongki asks are, for the most part, surface level, never really quite digging into emotions or personal issues. Hun knows it’d be too good to be true for the entire hour to be so easy for him, though, and sure enough the curveball comes half an hour into it.

“Which hyungs were the hardest to get close to?” Hongki asks Hweseung.

Hun tenses.

“Kwangjin hyung and Hun hyung,” Hweseung says easily. “At first, I didn’t know Hun hyung had such a warm heart, so it was kind of difficult, but after I got to know his warm side I liked him.”

He says something about Kwangjin, too, but Hun’s head is buzzing too much for him to pay attention. Is that how they see him – warm? Does Hweseung actually like him? Or is Hweseung just saying so for the sake of the broadcast?

Yes, that must be it. He wishes Hweseung wouldn’t do that; he knows the truth, and he can handle it. He doesn’t need their pity, doesn’t need them to lie for the sake of his stupid feelings –

Jaehyun sets a hand on his thigh, looking concerned, and he snaps out of it. The rest of the broadcast goes by smoothly enough.

—

“Are you avoiding me?” Hweseung asks a few days later. He looks genuinely concerned, like he’d be upset if Hun were angry at him, but Hun knows people’s patterns by now. No one ever means what they say, and that’s okay; he’s gotten used to it.

“No,” Hun says.

It’s a blatant lie; he’s been avoiding him since the broadcast, and he plans to continue doing so until the sting of being so unimportant eases. He’s surprised Hweseung has noticed, really, since he usually doesn’t talk much anyway.

Hweseung frowns. “Yes, you are. What did I do? Did I say something?”

“No,” Hun says immediately, shaking his head in earnest. “Of course not, Hweseungie.”

“But I have to have done something for you to be mad at me,” Hweseung says. He’s still frowning, and it makes Hun’s heart ache. “Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me, hyung.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Hun insists.

“Then why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not.”

“But you’re avoiding me!” Hweseung exclaims, throwing his hands up into the air. The fingers of one of his hands accidentally hit the wall with a loud thud, and he plows on although Hun immediately grabs his hand and looks it over to make sure he’s okay. “I don’t like seeing you upset, none of us do.”

“I know,” Hun says. “I know it kind of brings the whole group down when I’m in a mood, I’m sorry – ”

“That has nothing to do with it,” Hweseung says, furrowing his brows. “We care about you.”

Hun actually flinches away at that, dropping Haeseung’s hand and stepping back as his anxiety starts to kick in. “No, don’t – I don’t – ” 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Hweseung says, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on, hyung?” 

Hun shakes his head, gasping, “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” like a broken record and pulling away to escape to his room. Hweseung doesn’t follow him, thankfully, and he makes it to his bed before the panic really slams into him full force. That had been too close of a call.

—

Because Hweseung is so close to all of the others, Seunghyub’s interrogation the next day is nothing unexpected. That doesn’t make Hun any less anxious, though, so of course he continues to worry. 

Seunghyub makes it easier, though – just comes to his room, sits on his bed, puts a hand on his arm. “Hey.”

“Hi.” 

“Is it okay if we talk for a bit?”

Hun wants to say no, but there’s something about Seunghyub’s tone that makes him nod his head. He’s never been able to say no to Seunghyub, anyway.

“Hweseung talked to me yesterday,” Seunghyub says. Hun winces. “Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” 

Hun shrugs, fidgeting with his hands. “I don’t know. I just – freaked out, I guess.”

“Was it something he said?” Seunghyub presses.

“No.” 

Seunghyub sighs. “Hun, I need you to be honest with me. Did he say something that upset you? I won’t be mad, I promise.”

Hun knows he won’t; Seunghyub is always fair. He purses his lips. “It wasn’t his fault.”

“But he did say something?” 

“Yes, but he didn’t mean to. Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not.” Seunghyub looks concerned. “Can you tell me what he said?”

“Hyung, I don’t – ” Hun’s hands are shaking now. “It’s stupid.”

“If it upset you, it’s not,” Seunghyub says. “I’m not going to laugh at you or anything. Please tell me.”

Hun looks away, sinking further into his bed, clenching and unclenching his jaw. He should tell Seunghyub. He shouldn’t. Should. Shouldn’t. Seunghyub will think it’s stupid. Seunghyub has promised not to.

“He said you all cared about me,” Hun blurts out.

Seunghyub looks confused. “And?” 

“I don’t like being lied to,” Hun says, swallowing. He’s starting to panic again. “I know you guys don’t actually like me all that much. I don’t talk and I’m just kind of there and I’m annoying and not funny and uninteresting and – and I know that, I can deal with it, you don’t have to lie about it to make me feel better – ” 

“Shut up,” Seunghyub says. His voice is shaking. “Hun – oh my God.”

Seunghyub is crying – Seunghyub never cries. Startled, Hun reaches over to wipe his cheeks, and Seunghyub lets out a little choked sound.

“That’s what this is about?” he asks. “You think we don’t like you?”

Hun shrugs, feigning nonchalance although he thinks he might vomit. “Well. You don’t really know anything about me.”

“Because you don’t tell us anything,” Seunghyub says.

“I don’t have much to tell,” Hun says. “I don’t have much to offer the group.”

“You’re our guitarist!”

“You could find a better one, if you tried.”

Seunghyub looks distinctly offended. “What if we don’t want another one?”

“Your loss, then,” Hun says.

Seunghyub doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then he takes a deep breath and tells him, “I don’t care if we could find a better guitarist.”

Hun furrows his brows. “What?”

“We like you as a person, Hun,” Seunghyub says. “You’re part of our family. It doesn’t matter that you’re quieter than everyone else or that you don’t play board games with us after dinner. We love you all the same.”

“You’re closer to each other,” Hun points out, scooting back again because he suddenly can’t meet his friend’s eyes. “It’s like you’re all best friends and I’m just – just there.” 

“Do we make you feel like that?” Seunghyub asks.

Hun wants to lie, but he nods. Seunghyub shuts his eyes and takes a slow breath before reaching over to pull him close.

“We don’t talk to you as much because we don’t want to bother you,” he says, his chin resting on Hun’s shoulder. “You’re so quiet and introverted and shy, and you always hate being the center of attention – we thought you didn’t want to hang out with us, so we gave you your space.” He rubs Hun’s back in slow circles, hugging him tightly to his chest. “I’m sorry, Hun. That was our fault. We should’ve seen what was going on.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hun mumbles, but he lets Seunghyub hold him. Seunghyub is one of the only genuine people ever to exist, and Hun doesn’t deserve him, but he isn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. “You didn’t know.”

“We should have,” Seunghyub says. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, hyung.”

“You know we’re going to have to tell everyone else, right?”

Hun frowns. “I don’t – I don’t want to say it all again. Jaehyun is going to laugh.” 

“Jaehyun knows when to be serious,” Seunghyub says. “And I’m going to be right there with you, okay? Everything’s going to be fine. You just need to let us all know how you’re feeling so we can help you.”

Hun nods. “Okay. Thanks, hyung.”

Seunghyub hums. “Of course.”

—

The others’ reactions are similar, although none of them cry. Seunghyub, as promised, remains right by Hun’s side during the entire explanation, and Jaehyun doesn’t laugh. When Hun starts to get nervous halfway through, Kwangjin reaches over to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

By the time Hun is done, Hweseung looks a mix of triumphant and frustrated. He gets on his feet, shouting, “I knew it! I told you he didn’t want to be left alone!” 

“You did?” Hun asks.

“Of course I did!” Hweseung exclaims. “When I first joined, everyone said you didn’t like hanging out with the rest of the group so I shouldn’t bother you too much. But you were so nice whenever I talked to you so I really wanted to be friends with you but I didn’t know if you wanted to be friends with me and I didn’t want to push and everyone said not to annoy you – ” 

“You’re not annoying,” Hun says, a little flustered. “No one – I like hanging out with you. All of you. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kwangjin asks.

Hun shrugs. “It wasn’t important. None of you would’ve cared.”

“Of course we would’ve!”

“I didn’t think so.”

Kwangjin sighs, exchanging a look with Seunghyub. “We’re going to have to work on that, then,” he says.

“Does that mean I get to cuddle with you whenever I want?” Jaehyun demands.

Hun flushes. Seunghyub rolls his eyes. “Jaehyun, we’ve been over this. No attacking Hun.”

Jaehyun turns to Kwangjin. “Please?”

“Let him adjust first,” Kwangjin says, looking over at Hun for confirmation. Hun nods. “Once he’s more comfortable, maybe.”

Jae sighs. “Okay. Fair enough.”

“I don’t mind you being a little touchy,” Hun admits. “Just – all in moderation, I guess. I’m not really used to it.”

“But hugs are okay?” Jaehyun asks.

Hun considers it for a second before saying, “Yeah. Hugs are fine.”

Hweseung sits back down on the bed beside Seunghyub, grinning at him. “Watch out, hyung. He pounces when you’re least expecting it.”

Hun laughs. Jaehyun gives an indignant squawk. “I do not!”

“You do,” Seunghyub says. Kwangjin nods in agreement.

Hun looks around at the boys around him as they continue to talk, and for the first time he can appreciate the beauty of each and every one of them without feeling like he doesn’t measure up. Maybe, he thinks, it’ll be okay. Maybe everything will be okay with his boys by his side. 

Maybe they’ll actually stick around, like they say they will.

“Hun,” Jaehyun says, serious for once in his life, interrupting Hun’s train of thought, “if there’s ever something bothering you, please tell us. We want to help.”

Hun nods. “I know. I know you care, I just – I’m bad at asking for help, I think. I’ll try my best.”

“Honestly, I don’t think you do know how much we care,” Seunghyub says, then leans over to kiss his forehead. “But you will. We’re going to show you. That’s a promise.”

Hun believes him.


End file.
